woke up late and spent most of my day doing fuck all. it didnt start raining until later but it felt gross outside. i sat out there for a while anyway. thinking about doing things and not actually doing them.

maybe ive said this here already but ive had like 0 actual motivation for art this month and its Killing me and also becoming a problem since both of my art classes have weekly assignments we have to complete outside of class- which im. really behind on. im also a little confused with the one because we were given a prompt list and something we have to fill out along with it says to write what prompt you did for that week- most if not all of them are suggestions for portraits/still life/realismwhatever but people are drawing things like sonic the hedgehog. hes not on the prompt list but are we allowed to turn in sonic fanart. i need to explicity be told what i can and cant do or i start freaking out and the thing in question never even gets done. this is why i dont think id survive on my own or in a workplace. really this is something i could just ask my teacher about but shes busy all the time and i feel bad.

final thing ill type here for now- ive recently fallen in love with this song i think its beautiful maybe even perfect. i love this album deeply and wish i could recommend it to everyone i know unfortunately i dont think itd be their thing for most of them. tragic.

new entry cause the last one sounded weird. today was pretty eh in general happenings and there were 2 separate times i got close to crying. classes are stressing me out. aware that i visibly dont know what the hell im doing. oh well

its raining right now but it was really nice earlier today. talked with a friend while waiting for the bus, sat under a tree. i didnt get much time to draw today so that sucks (guy with a class For drawing)(i sat there and did basically nothing it doesnt count)

i feel weird putting stuff on here still. i handed in forms for my autism testing today, took too damn long cause i wasnt told where to go or who to hand it to. i think soon ill probably start the in person part of testing- i have no idea what its going to be like they dont tell me anything. still disorder related in about a year i might have to go in to see about tourettes if my tics keep up. hoping this is something thatll go away in a few months

shirt im wearing rn is very comfortable and very shirt i enjoy it. it keeps raining harder. if its not yucky outside tomorrow i might go for a walk and take photos. if it is then ill just die i guess

tired. on and off headache. tics remain to be kinda bad i do not understand why its acting up like this. i keep getting scared people are actually gonna notice it

i think there are buds on the trees. it keeps getting kinda chilly outside, i am so very impatient for it to actually warm up. on saturday it was about 60° and it hasnt been that warm since. im so tired of cold weather

adding times to these now.

tics are bad today. i feel like i sound like a dog. attempted driving- didnt actually drive, just got really close to crying. drew stuff.

wanted to go on a walk today but i kept putting it off. then it started raining, and then it got late. maybe tomorrow. been seeing a lot of marble hornets related stuff around online so its what ive been thinking about a lot. i tried watching it back in 2023 but i didnt get too far. maybe ill restart it.

i think ill have to get a new laptop in the next couple years. it feels like with this one its a 50/50 on whether or not its functional enough for me to actually do things- it is like 10 years old though, so i dont quite know what i expect.

general upsetfeeling tonight. thoughts that make me feel really guilty. its hard to not think about when ive been feeling like this for a while. whatever. it was actually pretty warm today. i woke up at 2pm (also makes me feel guilty). thinking about and missing 2023. i hate getting like this but its whatever. also having a lot of thoughts surrounding art, which i get scared to ever type out because i know itll mostly read as nonsense. is what im doing really what i want am i restricting myself etc

its supposed to rain tomorrow. i found an ant in the house today.

i had a different entry here but it was Bugging me because it went down the same rambling as my other ones. i cant say much about today because its. 1 am but i think yesterday went pretty okay. more okay than other days at least. it was actually warm outside! had a test i think i bombed and made an attempt to try to make up for a presentation but kinda couldnt get my words to work. its being moved to a different day so that maybe i can figure things out and not just stand there awkwardly. my art classes currently are causing me physical pain- after leaving these past couple of days my shoulder has hurt so bad. it feels like its burning- i dont know why, since all im doing is using chalk. im drawing flat on the table. i think i should be okay. i guess its whatever.

i was planning on watching "late nite saints" tonight but the previous entry here was bugging me so bad i paused like 10 minutes in to come and maybe write something that pisses me off less. like literally anything on this site Doesnt bug me. after i type this i think ill finish the movie i just mentioned. i think its something ill enjoy, its from a band i really like so i dont quite see why id hate it. later this weekend im planning on starting twin peaks, ive been meaning to for a while. trying to get myself to sit down and watch stuff more often, its not something i really do much.

tired. testing went okay for the most part, i gave up like halfway through But it doesnt actually matter or really count towards anything so its okay. went to 3 actual classes and didnt really do much.

it rained today which is truly amazing because it wasnt that warm and was snowing like 2 days ago. i am so impatient for summer you would never believe.

scared and paranoid which at this point has been an every day thing for. i dont know how long. i think its been getting worse latelt because im afraid of my own friends and feel threatened by the thought of people looking at me. really i think i should tell someone about this especially considering other things i wont type but i kinda dont have people to talk to. my mother would kill me if i told her i think because shes already pissed off that im getting tested for autism. ehatever anyway ive spent the past couple days listening to the beatles discography. i think its good no idea why i didnt bother listening to them before. a lot of this feels very rambley going nowhere im trying not to delete this entire page right now

tired today. doing next to nothing in most of my classes, even if there was something to do. i feel terrible and scared of everything.

it was warmer than it has been today. i miss weather over 50 degrees. this weekend, its supposed to get to about 60 i think. im impatient.

state testing tomorrow. making up missed tests tomorrow. not excited. tomorrow we get released early which means waiting outside for the bus for half an hour. i hope its warm

february was so very terrible and march was so terribly short. ive updated the site, tbh i should just cave and make the index more plain so i can easier keep up with That and have it be more similar to other pages but im attached. stupid thing to be attached to i guess but its been the same since i made the site the only real change was me changing the background once.

life has been kinda whatever lately. im entering in an artshow- i felt a teensy bit pressured to but maybe thisll be a good thing for me. i cant say anything about today really because its 1 am. i was on webkinz earlier. maybe if i start really writing entries here i can get over my fear of people seeing my stuff a little bit

im becoming a regular in the student services office it feels like. theres a lot i feel like thats going on but i cant communicate any of it to anyone let alone without crying.

ive felt. really awful lately. i think after this entry ill take a break from working on anything site related cause this also makes me feel stressed sometimes -> more now that people actually follow this and probably maybe read these. i feel embarrassed by people seeing anything i make sorry.

i played a game with a friend earlier and on sunday we both went somewhere together. i think those are the only actually good/positive things that have happened to me recently. i think i repeat a lot of what ive said before in these

feel weird lately. thinking about fully changing this site but id need to plan that out on notepad first. typing on my laptop for the first time in a while i think, i can actually type. i can hit the letters i need!

cold today. woke up 5 minutes before i had to leave so i forgot a few things at home- including the gifts for my friends that i mentioned in that last entry. i think theyre okay with getting them a little late. this week ive been down to the student services office 3 times, twice to talk about what happened on monday. i just said the assignment was overwhelming me cause i felt weird explaining the multiple things it actually was. i mean, it was the assignment but also several other things. i dont know.

planning out comics in my head. i finally have some sort of idea for a larger thing for characters ive been needing to do something with. theres another story that i have significantly more fleshed out- i think if i Really wanted to i could write it out and start an actual comic. ive been spending time on small details though. i feel like if i Do turn that one into a comic and make it real, it wont feel special to me anymore. weirdly attached to the stupid story i started putting together when i was 13.

retyped this entry cause i didnt like the last one. im thinking about turning this into a more personal kind of site to maybe help my weirdness with putting literally anything online. i feel really weird and embarrassed changing this site to more fit me and my interests but also its my site i should do what i want with it! but im scared! thinking about it im not sure if ive said this here before but i really do not think i should be online sometimes if i am so afraid of the tiniest audience. but also ive been online for a lot of my life and used to be able to share things and talk to people no problem. i guess its whatever. i live in the middle of nowhere and have nothing else to really do.

instead of doing work in my art classes yesterday i spent both periods crying. going into class today felt awful and i was worried the teacher would say something but she didnt. took home one of the things i had been working on, and am planning to use study halls to finish my other assignment. we got sketchbook assignments today too, due tomorrow morning, and i have not worked on or really done anything. feeling awful and wishing i hadnt taken those classes, i dont even like art classes.

i feel bad only writing negative things here uhh. a couple days ago i made gifts for my friends for valentines and am now waiting to give them to them. were planning on hanging out this saturday and then going to a play that a few of us have to be at for a class. started a new (personal) sketchbook and now i get to decorate the cover.

okay today. it was warmer than usual. by "warmer" i mean it was like 30 or 40 degrees instead of 10. it was the last day of the semester so we didnt do a lot in my classes- mostly finishing things up or giving people who needed to time to reassess on things. caught up on the story my friend is writing. planning out a comic in my head. drew stuff unrelated to said comic. my family went out to eat after i got home and once we left the restaurant i didnt feel ungodly nauseous. i cannot remember the last time that happened.

my drama teacher hasnt put in the grade for our sword fight thing and it is making me so anxious. i am at a c- right now and that assignment was worth like 40 points if i failed that then i am probably also failing that class

ive been sleeping like shit and the other day i convinced myself that there is some kind of rodent in my room despite not hearing or seeing anything and also thinking its stupid and it is absolutely not helping me. tried taking benedryl last night to help but it didnt really do anything. id try melatonin but we dont have that and every time ive taken melatonin it didnt so shit so i think im just destined to be tired all the time

i always get so weird and anxious about putting or saying things online ive been staring at this entry for like 5 minutes and ive rewritten it 3 times. i made a file for an art page and ive been too scared to put anything on it. debating on deleting several accounts because im getting too much attention on them. why am i like this i used to be able to be online and be Normal about it what happened

fighting the urge to write 24 instead of 25 so bad. it doesnt feel like too much has been happening lately. the semester is ending so in all of my classes were just finishing stuff up. kinda sad that im leaving my web design class, but i have 2 art classes next semester so thats cool. its been too cold to go anywhere or even go on a short walk so i havent had the chance to really take photos. still thinking about making an art page.

for our final thingy in my drama class we had to put together a scene with stage fighting/sword fighting. when me and my partner were practicing today we were doing pretty well and had the moves down for the most part, but once we had to present it both of us forgot everything we were supposed to do. i tried improvising and making shit up but they froze up and the teacher just told us to do the final few moves and go sit down. scared for my grade.

not much else to say really. ive been listening to a lot of strawberry switchblade recently

i want to start writing here, just about whatever. today for one of my classes we had to go perform puppet shows we had previously put together for kids at a daycare. i felt kinda nervous cause the groups from the other class were there too and my group had to go first but it turned out okay i think. i wasnt loud enough so im not sure the kids heard me that well. i had to miss the majority of my 2nd hour and also a test, it was okay cause i ended up taking it later. got a decent score. started messing around with javascript. it was really cold when i was waiting for the bus today. i feel dizzy

deleted old entries cause i uhhh got embarrassed. anyway, in the process of fixing up site stuff yayy :9 the photography page is back but its kinda. weird. because i dont actually know how to code. i can work on it more later. layout of This is also less weird.

forever wanting to delete things and start over.. urgh. cant do that cause then i end up regretting it later when i get sad and nostalgic over it. whatever i'll just change things until im happy and then change it again when i start to hate it