show today. nerve wracking but it wasnt terrible like how i thought it might be. a girl i used to be friends with in elementary came up to me before it got busy and told me she liked my work. got 2nd place (scary and also amazing)! mostly looked around with friends. later on most of them left and it was just 2 of us- someone we both kinda knew invited us to a game of uno (abandon halfway through because of a performance going on).

initial evaluation tomorrow, about an hour long. also nerve wracking. i have no idea how itll go at all.

i never really have a lot to write here. rainy today. a couple days ago we were getting tornado warnings. very up and down mood today. the only 2 dreams i remember from last night were about self harming in public- it made me feel weird thinking about it after i woke up.

embarrassingly into the beatles right now. a lot of what ive been doing has just been going through albums and watching/reading interviews. unsure why This is the one thing ive had this strong of an interest in for a while.

not another office, just a classroom. i got asked a few questions and was allowed to go back to class. art show happenings- i got everything im entering (minimum 3 pieces per class- meaning i have 6) in mat boards, i just need to sign + label things and get it put up. today while doing a lab i half zoned out while handing the teacher a beaker and dropped it. i felt terrible for breaking it but he just said to go get another one to fill.

havent been feeling great this month meaning im not allowing myself to do things in case i manage to ruin it for myself. saving everything for june because maybe then ill feel better. i feel like im making myself feel worse this way (impossible..)

terrible problem where i dont know how to put things into words. wednesday this week i have to go (maybe into another office? im sick of offices) to answer a few questions. preparing for the art show after tomorrow- its on monday. we have to submit at least 3 things for each class. ive been putting off sketchbook assignments far too long, maybe tomorrow i can get at least a couple done? maybe after this ill finally start. i am terrible at not procrastinating. absolutely shattered by the fact that i failed to recognize a picture of john lennon earlier Right after i was just talking about him with friends.

woke up about 30 minutes before we had to leave. didnt really talk much while we were at the restaurant, mostly just listening. my sister and her kid were trying to tell my mother that she likely has some kind of contamination ocd. she thinks theyre being rediculous and i think theyre probably right. when we got home i decided to go on a walk. went down to the lake and got caught trespassing. i dont think ill go down there anymore, i kinda dont want to get into actual trouble if someone catches me again.

terriblefeeling most of the day today. i think in a bit i might go back to that painting and add a couple details so that it doesnt look weird. maybe when i have some free time next weekend ill do site stuff- ive been wanting to change up the homepage and try to make it look a little less terrible. i dont think ive actually changed the code much since ive made it. fighting the urge to impulse delete and start over. i dont like how i word things. ive spent too long on this entry. another problem- updating this site when i feel terrible.

its been really nice out lately meaning i can finally just sit outside and do nothing. unfortunately this means i have more ways of procrastinating. last night i was up until about 3am working on a long overdue painting for an art class im failing. i could pretty much just call it finished and turn it in but i realized i forgot a few smaller details and im debating on whether or not to add them. woke up this morning planning to head to the library and hang out with friends but i got up late and stuff happened so i ended up sitting around at home. looking at older alex g interviews (amazing find in one of them- "no bitterness" got described as "emo-cum-hyperpop". i dont think thats even a real genre Hello) and trying to find more unreleased stuff. currently listening to some live show from 2016. music is really awesome did you guys know this.

really hating the internet lately and also very into the beatles. trying to think of what i want to actually do with my life/self and saving anything i want to do or watch for summer when i dont have so much else to do. an issue i have whenever i update this thing is that i reread everything too much and constantly make changes or delete entire paragraphs. this is meant to be personal and i do like having a site like this but its the idea of an audience that really scares me. i think in old entries i also complained about this a lot where i cannot get myself to do things because of it. maybe someday ill actually get over it. turning off site profile would do good for me i think. heres that live show i mentioned before if anyone cares- i havent actually finished listening yet but its good. kinda silly esp with the like 2 different raps about brighton thrown in. did you know that alex g is awesome? would you believe who my all time favorite artist is?

i keep forgetting to take my camera with me places. we didnt go to the er, just the walk in clinic. 30 minutes and we were told what shouldve been obvious to the other place (its not That serious that it needs an er visit, just make an appointment). felt like a waste of time.

its 12:04 now so as of 4 minutes ago its my birthday. in the morning im planning to hang out with friends for a little bit. currently listening to the new car seat headrest album as i fuck around on here. theres 3 songs left i think its pretty good. not much else to say really

rainy today- people kept talking about storms and tornados.i dont think therell be one. very windy though, things in our yard kept getting knocked over.

quietday. not a lot of talking to others. in my art classes we started 2 new projects and ill now have to use study halls to finish the other ones. i dont think itll take super long, but i cant go down there much this week. tomorrow i might? have a meeting about my testing but im not sure since they dont tell me anything. wednesday im going to the er. it feels stupid because really its something i think we couldve just made an appointment for. i dont have a life threatening injury i just twitch and make noises. it hasnt stopped at all since early march, when it actually got this bad. whatever.

yesterdays entry was vague i want to talk more about it. on saturday we made cake and brownies, specifically to do a hear me out cake thingy (i had to have it explained to me multiple times). yesterday we watched a few episodes of some magical girl anime (which was terrible and pornographic) and walked to and around the cemetery. i cant remember exactly what we talked about.

finak thing. i recorded on one side of my cassette earlier. i have to find stuff to put on the other side but i can actually listen to it now. the quality of my recorder/player is kinda trash but it works.

hung out with friends both yesterday and today. yesterday we played mario party (?) and baked a couple things, today was watching some weird anime and walking around the cemetery.

a few days ago i got a player and a cassette, i havent recorded anything on it yet but im planning to actually do it tomorrow.

woke up late and spent most of my day doing fuck all. it didnt start raining until later but it felt gross outside. i sat out there for a while anyway. thinking about doing things and not actually doing them.

maybe ive said this here already but ive had like 0 actual motivation for art this month and its Killing me and also becoming a problem since both of my art classes have weekly assignments we have to complete outside of class- which im. really behind on. im also a little confused with the one because we were given a prompt list and something we have to fill out along with it says to write what prompt you did for that week- most if not all of them are suggestions for portraits/still life/realismwhatever but people are drawing things like sonic the hedgehog. hes not on the prompt list but are we allowed to turn in sonic fanart. i need to explicity be told what i can and cant do or i start freaking out and the thing in question never even gets done. this is why i dont think id survive on my own or in a workplace. really this is something i could just ask my teacher about but shes busy all the time and i feel bad.

final thing ill type here for now- ive recently fallen in love with this song i think its beautiful maybe even perfect. i love this album deeply and wish i could recommend it to everyone i know unfortunately i dont think itd be their thing for most of them. tragic.

new entry cause the last one sounded weird. today was pretty eh in general happenings and there were 2 separate times i got close to crying. classes are stressing me out. aware that i visibly dont know what the hell im doing. oh well

its raining right now but it was really nice earlier today. talked with a friend while waiting for the bus, sat under a tree. i didnt get much time to draw today so that sucks (guy with a class For drawing)(i sat there and did basically nothing it doesnt count)

i feel weird putting stuff on here still. i handed in forms for my autism testing today, took too damn long cause i wasnt told where to go or who to hand it to. i think soon ill probably start the in person part of testing- i have no idea what its going to be like they dont tell me anything. still disorder related in about a year i might have to go in to see about tourettes if my tics keep up. hoping this is something thatll go away in a few months

shirt im wearing rn is very comfortable and very shirt i enjoy it. it keeps raining harder. if its not yucky outside tomorrow i might go for a walk and take photos. if it is then ill just die i guess

tired. on and off headache. tics remain to be kinda bad i do not understand why its acting up like this. i keep getting scared people are actually gonna notice it

i think there are buds on the trees. it keeps getting kinda chilly outside, i am so very impatient for it to actually warm up. on saturday it was about 60° and it hasnt been that warm since. im so tired of cold weather

adding times to these now.

tics are bad today. i feel like i sound like a dog. attempted driving- didnt actually drive, just got really close to crying. drew stuff.

wanted to go on a walk today but i kept putting it off. then it started raining, and then it got late. maybe tomorrow. been seeing a lot of marble hornets related stuff around online so its what ive been thinking about a lot. i tried watching it back in 2023 but i didnt get too far. maybe ill restart it.

i think ill have to get a new laptop in the next couple years. it feels like with this one its a 50/50 on whether or not its functional enough for me to actually do things- it is like 10 years old though, so i dont quite know what i expect.

general upsetfeeling tonight. thoughts that make me feel really guilty. its hard to not think about when ive been feeling like this for a while. whatever. it was actually pretty warm today. i woke up at 2pm (also makes me feel guilty). thinking about and missing 2023. i hate getting like this but its whatever. also having a lot of thoughts surrounding art, which i get scared to ever type out because i know itll mostly read as nonsense. is what im doing really what i want am i restricting myself etc

its supposed to rain tomorrow. i found an ant in the house today.

i had a different entry here but it was Bugging me because it went down the same rambling as my other ones. i cant say much about today because its. 1 am but i think yesterday went pretty okay. more okay than other days at least. it was actually warm outside! had a test i think i bombed and made an attempt to try to make up for a presentation but kinda couldnt get my words to work. its being moved to a different day so that maybe i can figure things out and not just stand there awkwardly. my art classes currently are causing me physical pain- after leaving these past couple of days my shoulder has hurt so bad. it feels like its burning- i dont know why, since all im doing is using chalk. im drawing flat on the table. i think i should be okay. i guess its whatever.

i was planning on watching "late nite saints" tonight but the previous entry here was bugging me so bad i paused like 10 minutes in to come and maybe write something that pisses me off less. like literally anything on this site Doesnt bug me. after i type this i think ill finish the movie i just mentioned. i think its something ill enjoy, its from a band i really like so i dont quite see why id hate it. later this weekend im planning on starting twin peaks, ive been meaning to for a while. trying to get myself to sit down and watch stuff more often, its not something i really do much.

tired. testing went okay for the most part, i gave up like halfway through But it doesnt actually matter or really count towards anything so its okay. went to 3 actual classes and didnt really do much.

it rained today which is truly amazing because it wasnt that warm and was snowing like 2 days ago. i am so impatient for summer you would never believe.

scared and paranoid which at this point has been an every day thing for. i dont know how long. i think its been getting worse latelt because im afraid of my own friends and feel threatened by the thought of people looking at me. really i think i should tell someone about this especially considering other things i wont type but i kinda dont have people to talk to. my mother would kill me if i told her i think because shes already pissed off that im getting tested for autism. ehatever anyway ive spent the past couple days listening to the beatles discography. i think its good no idea why i didnt bother listening to them before. a lot of this feels very rambley going nowhere im trying not to delete this entire page right now

tired today. doing next to nothing in most of my classes, even if there was something to do. i feel terrible and scared of everything.

it was warmer than it has been today. i miss weather over 50 degrees. this weekend, its supposed to get to about 60 i think. im impatient.

state testing tomorrow. making up missed tests tomorrow. not excited. tomorrow we get released early which means waiting outside for the bus for half an hour. i hope its warm

february was so very terrible and march was so terribly short. ive updated the site, tbh i should just cave and make the index more plain so i can easier keep up with That and have it be more similar to other pages but im attached. stupid thing to be attached to i guess but its been the same since i made the site the only real change was me changing the background once.

life has been kinda whatever lately. im entering in an artshow- i felt a teensy bit pressured to but maybe thisll be a good thing for me. i cant say anything about today really because its 1 am. i was on webkinz earlier. maybe if i start really writing entries here i can get over my fear of people seeing my stuff a little bit