im becoming a regular in the student services office it feels like. theres a lot i feel like thats going on but i cant communicate any of it to anyone let alone without crying.

ive felt. really awful lately. i think after this entry ill take a break from working on anything site related cause this also makes me feel stressed sometimes -> more now that people actually follow this and probably maybe read these. i feel embarrassed by people seeing anything i make sorry.

i played a game with a friend earlier and on sunday we both went somewhere together. i think those are the only actually good/positive things that have happened to me recently. i think i repeat a lot of what ive said before in these

feel weird lately. thinking about fully changing this site but id need to plan that out on notepad first. typing on my laptop for the first time in a while i think, i can actually type. i can hit the letters i need!

cold today. woke up 5 minutes before i had to leave so i forgot a few things at home- including the gifts for my friends that i mentioned in that last entry. i think theyre okay with getting them a little late. this week ive been down to the student services office 3 times, twice to talk about what happened on monday. i just said the assignment was overwhelming me cause i felt weird explaining the multiple things it actually was. i mean, it was the assignment but also several other things. i dont know.

planning out comics in my head. i finally have some sort of idea for a larger thing for characters ive been needing to do something with. theres another story that i have significantly more fleshed out- i think if i Really wanted to i could write it out and start an actual comic. ive been spending time on small details though. i feel like if i Do turn that one into a comic and make it real, it wont feel special to me anymore. weirdly attached to the stupid story i started putting together when i was 13.

retyped this entry cause i didnt like the last one. im thinking about turning this into a more personal kind of site to maybe help my weirdness with putting literally anything online. i feel really weird and embarrassed changing this site to more fit me and my interests but also its my site i should do what i want with it! but im scared! thinking about it im not sure if ive said this here before but i really do not think i should be online sometimes if i am so afraid of the tiniest audience. but also ive been online for a lot of my life and used to be able to share things and talk to people no problem. i guess its whatever. i live in the middle of nowhere and have nothing else to really do.

instead of doing work in my art classes yesterday i spent both periods crying. going into class today felt awful and i was worried the teacher would say something but she didnt. took home one of the things i had been working on, and am planning to use study halls to finish my other assignment. we got sketchbook assignments today too, due tomorrow morning, and i have not worked on or really done anything. feeling awful and wishing i hadnt taken those classes, i dont even like art classes.

i feel bad only writing negative things here uhh. a couple days ago i made gifts for my friends for valentines and am now waiting to give them to them. were planning on hanging out this saturday and then going to a play that a few of us have to be at for a class. started a new (personal) sketchbook and now i get to decorate the cover.

okay today. it was warmer than usual. by "warmer" i mean it was like 30 or 40 degrees instead of 10. it was the last day of the semester so we didnt do a lot in my classes- mostly finishing things up or giving people who needed to time to reassess on things. caught up on the story my friend is writing. planning out a comic in my head. drew stuff unrelated to said comic. my family went out to eat after i got home and once we left the restaurant i didnt feel ungodly nauseous. i cannot remember the last time that happened.

my drama teacher hasnt put in the grade for our sword fight thing and it is making me so anxious. i am at a c- right now and that assignment was worth like 40 points if i failed that then i am probably also failing that class

ive been sleeping like shit and the other day i convinced myself that there is some kind of rodent in my room despite not hearing or seeing anything and also thinking its stupid and it is absolutely not helping me. tried taking benedryl last night to help but it didnt really do anything. id try melatonin but we dont have that and every time ive taken melatonin it didnt so shit so i think im just destined to be tired all the time

i always get so weird and anxious about putting or saying things online ive been staring at this entry for like 5 minutes and ive rewritten it 3 times. i made a file for an art page and ive been too scared to put anything on it. debating on deleting several accounts because im getting too much attention on them. why am i like this i used to be able to be online and be Normal about it what happened

fighting the urge to write 24 instead of 25 so bad. it doesnt feel like too much has been happening lately. the semester is ending so in all of my classes were just finishing stuff up. kinda sad that im leaving my web design class, but i have 2 art classes next semester so thats cool. its been too cold to go anywhere or even go on a short walk so i havent had the chance to really take photos. still thinking about making an art page.

for our final thingy in my drama class we had to put together a scene with stage fighting/sword fighting. when me and my partner were practicing today we were doing pretty well and had the moves down for the most part, but once we had to present it both of us forgot everything we were supposed to do. i tried improvising and making shit up but they froze up and the teacher just told us to do the final few moves and go sit down. scared for my grade.

not much else to say really. ive been listening to a lot of strawberry switchblade recently

i want to start writing here, just about whatever. today for one of my classes we had to go perform puppet shows we had previously put together for kids at a daycare. i felt kinda nervous cause the groups from the other class were there too and my group had to go first but it turned out okay i think. i wasnt loud enough so im not sure the kids heard me that well. i had to miss the majority of my 2nd hour and also a test, it was okay cause i ended up taking it later. got a decent score. started messing around with javascript. it was really cold when i was waiting for the bus today. i feel dizzy

deleted old entries cause i uhhh got embarrassed. anyway, in the process of fixing up site stuff yayy :9 the photography page is back but its kinda. weird. because i dont actually know how to code. i can work on it more later. layout of This is also less weird.

forever wanting to delete things and start over.. urgh. cant do that cause then i end up regretting it later when i get sad and nostalgic over it. whatever i'll just change things until im happy and then change it again when i start to hate it